Sunday, October 30, 2011

Feeling Melancholy

So right now, I feel melancholy, for... Three reasons. Let's see.
1) I am typing this on my computer, which is fantastic because it is brand new and runs amazingly, But I'm upset. It doesn't have Microsoft Office at all, No word, no powerpoint, no anything. It doesn't have a graphics card. At all. Just an inbuilt basics card, for visuals, no 3-D no nothing. And I want to be able to play decent games.

2) I am angry at myself, I have done no work this weekend. I've procrastinated and been out. I had research to do for two assignments. And this is the fucking story of my whole schooling life. Basically, my schooling = fuck. I have failed that much stuff or done worse then I have before, or bad when on the rare occasion I try really hard. I am scared I will go nowhere in life.

3) I've come to the conclusion that something is wrong with me
And here's why: I don't want to be human, I think the way the average human thinks, acts and behaves is disgusting, and even thought I am likely very close to that anyway, I can't shake the thought that I don't want to be associated with most humans. I'm like the Doctor, I want to be outside them, and their friend, but I don't want to be them. I think I am better. When I know I'm not. It fucks with my brain. Fuck you Brain.

But, yes. Thanks for reading about my Melancholiness.

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