Sunday, December 25, 2011

Christmas is not the time to realize that your mental problems are worse than you thought.

Good day otherwise. I got to see family I haven't seen in ages and I had a wonderful day. And figured out my 2/3 year old cousin is likely going to be very mischievous when he is older. Which is awesome.

Merry Christmas all.

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Fuck off.

Just a letter to myself, or part of myself that I hate, and just want to let you know that you can go die, I hate you, and if we weren't sharing a body i'd rip your throat out.

other than that, have a nice night. And fucking be up on time. Cunt.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

I want to be happy

I just got asked "What's going on?" to which I responded "I don't know. I really don't"
From that "What do you want?" To which I responded "I want to be happy, but I don't know how to achieve that."

'Cause that's just it isn't it? I just want to be happy, but I don't know how anymore.

I thought I was happy. but staying up till 6am last night watching supernatural after cutting an X into my knee would suggest otherwise. I'm sick of everyone treating me like shit. Like I do shit all for anyone. Even when I try, it's never noticed, never recognized. Probably why I'm so outgoing all the time. To be recognized. But when I get depressed like this, that part of me dies.

And I'm left with a shell of who I like being, filled with sadness, hate and paranoia.

And so I turn into this introverted freak, who hates everyone, and is hated by everyone because he couldn't care less to lift a finger. Ironically, this is when they notice me the most. It makes me feel useless. Like dirt, less then dirt even. Just like I'm something no-one should pay any attention to. Cause I'm not worth it.

It's like I'm a window, and all I want is for people to look through me, at the rest of the world.
I know how to be happy too. Because this has all happened before, and I guess that's what pisses me off the most really. I can fix this. But I won't. I refuse to.

Yep, I'm seriously fucked up.

It'll all pass soon, It's just a matter of time.

Thanks for reading my drivel, If you've gotten this far.
Tyler "The Loon" Morrisson