Thursday, February 23, 2012

Promised blog: A brother moved

So, this as a few of you may have guess is the first topic of the two blogs I promised you.

My twin brother Aden, moving out of home.

At first, I had no feelings towards it. To me, it seemed normal, just something that would happen. But, as time moved on it slowly hit me how much of an effect it happening would have on me. The weekend he moved out was the high point of this, when my mother and brother went to Sydney. Because he worked Saturday and went out Friday night I found myself alone a lot of the weekend. It was during this time that the smallest things, on top of my general loneliness being in an empty house would set me off really upset. I found myself crying a lot. IT all moved very slowly.

The times when I saw him that weekend, we got on really well, which made it even more difficult. Because I knew it was that I was losing. He moved out on the Sunday, but came back on Sunday and Monday night to spend time with me. Which was really sweet, and did make me generally happy. On the Monday night, Ethan and Mum got home. When Aden told her he had moved out, she reacted.. less then well. A lot less. That night I went to bed at 2am.

After that there was a period of stress, when Aden had to get the last of his stuff.
Another fight.
Then it was all over, the storm had passed but, as with all storms there was still the wreckage left behind to contend with. I haven't gone in his room for over a week, since he moved out really. It makes me sad to see it, empty like that. I am slowly getting used to it though.
He asked me how I felt about it. That's when I figured I should figure out how I did feel. What I said was this:
"Mixed feelings. I feel it will be absolutely awesome for you in a lot of ways. But I'm a bit sad that you are moving out and I feel you are disadvantaging yourself financially. And that you're trading being happy about where you live for a lot of small things you'll miss"
Yes, I really answered like that. Cold and factual.
I didn't tell him how much I'd miss him, or how I'll be by myself most nights when everyone is doing their own thing and ignoring me. And how he was the only one who actually spoke to me. I didn't tell him how I didn't want him to go. I didn't tell him that it was a terrible idea and he shouldn't do it (not that I thought this).
Because that's not my place.
It is his decision and I didn't want to influence that.
But Aden, if  you read this, I miss you.

Now the only time I see him is at school where he's only ever the person that everyone sees. Which makes me sad I guess. Makes me feel like now I'm just another person who he is occasionally a dick too. Just another person in the group. Not how he was at home. Because it is his home too. No matter what Mum says.

Another I noticed is the way rumors spread throughout Bundaberg about it. Mum asking a lot of people their opinions on it didn't really help. But for a few days there it seemed like every single person I spoke to wanted to ask me about it. Did it happen, how I feel, and then tell me their opinions. Like it was their business. I even got a teacher asking me about it. Stupid Bundaberg and it's rumors.

Well there.
Now if anyone wants to know how I feel about it. They can come here.
R. Barris.


  1. I love you, dear friend of mine. Be strong, I can only relate a little to losing someone who was a part of you, I say a little because, well, he wasn't my twin. Genetically.
    Remember, I'm not doing my own thing and ignoring you, like, ever. I'll always be here for you, no matter what happens. Even if you do become the forever alone guy, at least were together in our memeishness.

  2. It's okay Aden.
    It really is, I do understand.