Sunday, July 22, 2012

Above and beyond

I sit alone. The glow of the computer provides me with companion, and I spend another night, alone, useless and unfulfilled. I don't know why this seems to be the path I take, the path I make for myself, when in reality I want more then this. Even if I don't feel like I deserve it. But I know the path there is mine to take, and mine to make. I have to change myself to get there.

But that's what I want to know? Can I?

Because I did, for a while, but I came back here, back to the computer, to the solace of the internet. Is this just who I am? Is my personality what defines and confines me to this lifestyle? Or will it all change, I just need times to change and my situation to change, I need goals, real things to achieve, to actually do something in life.

But if I know these things, why haven't I tried for them? Why have I not achieved them? What's stopping me? The obvious answer is myself. I'm stopping me. So should I then hate myself, and in turn use that as the reason to my actions. At what point is the circle broken, the self hatred, the pain, When does new life begin?

Of course, I don't expect anyone to answer these question. It's just late at night, and I am being too philosophical. And tomorrow, I will find false hope in the morning, I will tell myself to be happy, for myself, for the people around me.

Because life is truly pointless when you have no hope.

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