I want to be happy

I just got asked "What's going on?" to which I responded "I don't know. I really don't"
From that "What do you want?" To which I responded "I want to be happy, but I don't know how to achieve that."

'Cause that's just it isn't it? I just want to be happy, but I don't know how anymore.

I thought I was happy. but staying up till 6am last night watching supernatural after cutting an X into my knee would suggest otherwise. I'm sick of everyone treating me like shit. Like I do shit all for anyone. Even when I try, it's never noticed, never recognized. Probably why I'm so outgoing all the time. To be recognized. But when I get depressed like this, that part of me dies.

And I'm left with a shell of who I like being, filled with sadness, hate and paranoia.

And so I turn into this introverted freak, who hates everyone, and is hated by everyone because he couldn't care less to lift a finger. Ironically, this is when they notice me the most. It makes me feel useless. Like dirt, less then dirt even. Just like I'm something no-one should pay any attention to. Cause I'm not worth it.

It's like I'm a window, and all I want is for people to look through me, at the rest of the world.
I know how to be happy too. Because this has all happened before, and I guess that's what pisses me off the most really. I can fix this. But I won't. I refuse to.

Yep, I'm seriously fucked up.

It'll all pass soon, It's just a matter of time.

Thanks for reading my drivel, If you've gotten this far.
Tyler "The Loon" Morrisson