Above and beyond

I sit alone. The glow of the computer provides me with companion, and I spend another night, alone, useless and unfulfilled. I don't know why this seems to be the path I take, the path I make for myself, when in reality I want more then this. Even if I don't feel like I deserve it. But I know the path there is mine to take, and mine to make. I have to change myself to get there.

But that's what I want to know? Can I?

Because I did, for a while, but I came back here, back to the computer, to the solace of the internet. Is this just who I am? Is my personality what defines and confines me to this lifestyle? Or will it all change, I just need times to change and my situation to change, I need goals, real things to achieve, to actually do something in life.

But if I know these things, why haven't I tried for them? Why have I not achieved them? What's stopping me? The obvious answer is myself. I'm stopping me. So should I then hate myself, and in turn use that as the reason to my actions. At what point is the circle broken, the self hatred, the pain, When does new life begin?

Of course, I don't expect anyone to answer these question. It's just late at night, and I am being too philosophical. And tomorrow, I will find false hope in the morning, I will tell myself to be happy, for myself, for the people around me.

Because life is truly pointless when you have no hope.

Sundais

Today is sunday.
I was meant to go to set building but I slept in. Instead, I'll be going at about 1.30 for rehersals.
Costumes today, Can't wait.
I am kind of apprehensive about walking around with my chest exposed. But, Ill get used to it. It'll just be like the beach I guess.

For those reading who don't know, the rehersals I'm talking about are for Aladdin, (which everyone should come see) it should be a great show.

This post is pretty dam pointless!
OH! And this is also my hundred and first post, I hit 100 with my last post, which is something I guess :D

talk later sexies.
Reggie

Presents for cleaning

Mum got me presents because she went shopping, as long as i cleaned my room a bit, i cleaned my room a bit and here are the presents :D

Completely fingerless gloves (not what I really meant when I said fingerless gloves to her, but they'll do :D)
And some headphones that are pretty awesome. Great quaility.

Pretty happy.

On the other hand, I'm kinda sad because people I know aren't so happy. And i want them to be. They know who they are.

State of my life

Subject: Tyler William Morrisson
Classification: Grade L School Student
Report Type: General Examination of Subject

Report Date: Thursday July 12th, 8:46pm

Subject seems dejected, he has spent most of today sleeping, and did not attend his place of education. He has spent his night playing computer games and downloading and setting up The Sims Medieval on another PC. He has yet to play said game. Subject bathed for a considerable amount of time at approx. 7:18pm.
Recently, He has stopped taking Chemistry at his place of Education, which has left him with three spare which the Subject seems to enjoy. He is almost finished his final year of schooling. of recent subject has deleted or deactivated all of his social networking accounts, in order to remove pointless distraction from his life. This has been partially successful, however he is experiencing periods of social exclusion due to this. He has expressed desires to socialize, such desires have not yet been realized, excluding his bi-weekly rehearsals of the Musical Aladdin, which he is enjoying. His social situation should improve on Saturday night, as he has been invited to a "shindig" being organized by one Morgan, a friend of a friend of the subject's. Subject has also been earning monetary tokens, by working at a local news agency, slowing killing people by selling them packets of death. He enjoys the company of his colleagues there, and his next working shift will occur at 5:15pm for 4 hours, tomorrow the 13th of July. These are the current social, economical and mental states of the subject. Physically, he is also healthy.

End report Time: 9:05

Reginald Barris M.D

Apparently all my friends forgot how to text.

A bunch of my friends went to the movies last night. my friends who I haven't seen a single one of over the holidays.

All because I don't have Facebook.

I deleted Facebook because it's absolute shit. It was ruining my life, taking up my time and everything on there was just shit.

But now, because of that, all my friends must things I'm just socially unavailable, and therefore nobody text Tyler, despite the fact that all of you have Facebook.

And here I am, bitching like someone would on Facebook, about how shit Facebook is.

Oh the ironing.

Sleeping Patterns.

What in all honesty, motherfucking shit balls kents. Is wrong with me?

IT IS 3am AND I AM AWAKE. I HAVE BEEN FOR SO LONG. I HAD A GREAT NIGHT TOO, WHY DIDNT I JUST SLEEP.
I HAVE WORK TOMORROW. AND SCHOOL
WHAT THE FUCK ME.

Of Homes and Hate

When we moved houses (from Hunter Street, to my grandmothers, where I am now) I told Mum that one of the few reasons I was happy we were moving was that all the old house felt to me was full of hate because of everything that happened there.

She got angry at me and told me she didn't feel that way, that it was amazing home and we had a great time there.

But as I figured out this morning, she was right. That home wasn't filled with hate. I am. The world is purely based on how you perceive it. This morning I felt the same way I did at that house. But I wasn't there. It was just me.

And truthfully, I have no idea how I feel about that.